The Jive Child

Everyday inspiration, beauty and food for thought.

I often wondered what would happen if I found myself in this situation. How I’d react, what I’d say. I knew it was bound to happen at some point and when I first met you I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want to believe them. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. To tell myself that it was simply because of circumstance, not because of who I am, but something didn’t feel right. I was truly ashamed to hear the things you said, I felt embarrassed as if I’d said them. As if I was the fool, the one who had somehow been in the wrong. But I am not. I can’t help what I am or where I come from, I’m very proud of those things. I didn’t ask to be me and I simply do the best every day with the gifts I’ve been given. I know what it feels like to think I’m not good enough, but never due to circumstances completely out of my control. Never because of the decision my parents made two decades ago.

So now I sit here with a dilemma. I’ve been running the scenarios through my head all night. What I would do, what you would do, what would be said, would I look you in the eye? Would I shake your hand or accept your apology? Truth be told I would love nothing more than to knock your pathetic little teeth in and make you swallow them. I’d love to watch as blood poured out of your mouth and I would enjoy the irony of a toothless you being forced to literally eat your words, you fucking swine, but I can’t do that. If I did that you would win. If I did that I’d be giving in to all the things you’ve given into. I’d be stooping to your subterranean level and I refuse to do that.

I’d love to forgive you and make amends, but again I can’t. In all honesty I hate you. I hate you before barely getting to know you, that’s your fault. But above all else I will not give you the satisfaction of me quitting. So I’ll sit in front of your ugly face, look you in your soulless eyes and smile. I’ll smile because I know I am better than you already. That in only 22 years I have accomplished more in every single one of my endeavors than you have in a lifetime. I’ll smile because the best has yet to come for me, my entire life is in front of me. I’ve already beat you simply by showing up. At this point all you can do is sit and watch as the things you love crumble before your eyes. And they will all crumble, mark my words.

So, if anything I feel like I should apologize to you. I should apologize for how truly pathetic you are and for how lucky you are to have managed to raise a decent human being - honestly that’s nothing short of a miracle. I’m so happy she doesn’t look like you… or think like you. I’ll apologize because I must have caused you a lot of sleepless nights, nights I was most likely sleeping with your daughter… the irony. And finally I’ll apologize because despite your best efforts you failed. She chose me over you and for that I truly feel bad. I’m sorry you won’t get to be a part of all the good times to come and the special moments that lay ahead, but you’ve made your own bed, now you have to sleep in it… or toss and turn, I don’t really care. 

Best of luck,

Your Worst Nightmare

Go ahead, begin getting used to it. You’ve gotten away with it your entire life, until you haven’t. Until it becomes real. Until you see it all first hand. In a flash of light it was extremely close. I felt the hole in my chest grow so quickly. My stomach hurts, I think I’m going to vomit. Where did you go? The little light - big light - that’d been guiding me through for the past weeks suddenly extinguished. Everything’s dark without you. This room feels so empty. I hate it, I hate it all. I fucked up and I know it g, I guess it’s bittersweet poetry. 

Every Young Boy’s Dream.

Circulou - Bandva Eva

There are moments in life that just take you. You can’t predict them, you can’t avoid them, all you can do is take a step back and soak them in. Enjoy the world around you, because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye. Love the little things in life and accept the uncertainty, because sometimes… sometimes you just don’t know. 

People will try to put their fears on you.

"You can’t do that…"

No. YOU can’t do that.

Wonder why my feet don’t touch the ground.

I just want a different G I R L 

Rodrigo y Gabriela